there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
