peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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