help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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