Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
