in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize