Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
