You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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