i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize