were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Randomize
