Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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