i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
She just used a chaser for red wine.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
