You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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