you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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