Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
