I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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