She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
