I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
