I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize