She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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