When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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