Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
