I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
