i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
