Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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