i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
