tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
