Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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