Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I wish there were birth control emojis
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
