So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
