Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
