Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
