Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
