I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
