I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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