I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize