And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize