so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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