I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
