So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
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