her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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