My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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