Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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