I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
