Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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