I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Randomize
