Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
