A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
