I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
