im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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