hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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