i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
