Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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