butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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