I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
