He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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