my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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