I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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