After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
i out mim tonsoeep
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
