He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
