i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
