Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
My vagina just recognized that song.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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