YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
he thought i was a dude.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Why are your pants in the freezer?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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