there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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