I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
