did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
