Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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