Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
