the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
