Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
