Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
