I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
