the new term for farting is butt boxing.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
They have beer where we have blood.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Randomize
