whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Randomize
