i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Randomize
