Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
