I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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