i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
