U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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